And The Smallest One Was...

Madeline!!

I just realized I haven't actually shared the name of our soon-to-be-born daughter. We've had her first name picked out since before we even thought about having another child. Her middle name was finally decided upon not that long ago. Madeline Mae will be her name. I can not wait to finally see her little face and hold her in my arms.

She is due on Memorial Day which is just 4 short weeks away. I feel as though the time has flown by and I can most likely thank Delia for that. She has kept me quite busy and for that I am thankful.

Since I found out I was pregnant I've had many thoughts that I'm sure every mother of one has had when they are about to welcome another child into their lives. I am not really worried about not being able to love them both enough. I think that will be easy. I think I'm mostly worried about Delia and what this is going to do to her. Madeline will not know any different. Delia will always be a part of her life. But for Delia I worry that she will feel left out or something. We've already been including her in everything. She knows there is a baby coming and she calls her by her name. She often tells her sister that she loves her and gives my belly lots of hugs and kisses. Delia is such a sweet little girl (most of the time) so I don't really see her being mean or doing things to hurt Madeline. She has become quite aware of other peoples feelings (possibly because I have been a little emotional...)and likes to make sure that we are happy. She likes to help us do things around the house so I think she will like helping with the baby too. For those of you who have been there done that...please share your thoughts and tips for helping your first born adjust to a new baby in the house.

We plan on having Delia at the hospital for the birth. I don't like the idea of bringing the baby home or having Delia come to the hospital and here we are holding and gushing over this new little baby whose going to take up a lot of our time. I think she will understand more if she is there when Madeline is born. We want Delia to be a part of everything because frankly we don't think there is any reason why she shouldn't be. Now I'm just hoping the hospital will allow it.

I think at this point I am ready to have this baby. For awhile I was a little unsure about it. I let anxiety and worry poke their little head in and make me second guess myself. I kept thinking, What if I can't handle it the way I handled Delia's?, What if it's different?, What if it hurts more?, What if I freak out?, etc, etc. And then I looked anxiety and worry in the face and banished them with a swift slap to the face. They don't belong here anymore. You see, I had a pretty easy pregnancy, labor and delivery with Delia. I think I must have a high tolerance for pain because it really wasn't that bad!!!! It did hurt and me being the anxious hypochondriac that I was (I'm in recovery) everyone in my family thought I'd have a horrible time. But I knew before hand that it was going to hurt, I knew that there was a reason for why it was going to hurt and I knew the beautiful gift that would result from the pain. I've been telling myself this and reminding myself that it will be okay. Plus I think I've reached the point where I just want to see her and hold her, I want to see my toes, I want to hold Delia, I want to bend over and pick something up off the floor, I want to wear my clothes again, I want to sleep on my stomach, I want to tie my own shoes...the list could go on and on but I'm sounding a little selfish. Being a mother has definetly changed me. I don't worry hardly at all anymore and like I said I'm no longer a hypochondriac. I laugh in the face of anxiety, fear and the unknown! So pain, sleepless nights, raging hormones....BRING IT ON!!